Actual Solutions: Moving From Unconscious Resistance To Practical Healing

With all the noise, human suffering, and chaos out in the world, it's so easy to get lost in fear, worry, who's to blame, who's a bad person because of what we are seeing... the list goes on. We have endless things we can look at and beg for solutions around, and we want solutions, but we also want to feel less weighed down, less helpless, more hopeful as we do. It's hard to be a human on the planet right now.

If we are to not lose our minds AND move toward actual peace, growth and thriving personally and globally, we are left with a deeply important question,

"Where can I invest my focus and my energy to have the greatest impact AND feel better at the same time?"

The answer, in my eyes, is not the one you're expecting.

While many folks will tell you to get out in the world with 3D solutions as soon as yesterday ("People are hurting! What are you waiting for?!"), what I'm going to offer you here is a slower, perhaps counterintuitive course of action, but hear me out.

The Heart-Brain Connection: An Explanation You Probably

Haven't Heard Before

Before we get to the plan, let's start with what's happening between your brain and your body when you're (hyper)focused on solving the things you're upset about.

Let's set the scene. You're going about your day and you see something in your world (or in the media) that's upsetting... aggression, people in danger, humans/ animals/ the planet being harmed, the list is long. The first thing that happens is your brain registers that as a threat, something that needs your attention.

The very next thing that happens is a thought/belief is triggered in your mind about what you're seeing.

"This shouldn't be happening."

"I want to do something, but I don't know what to do or I feel powerless to do ANYTHING."

"They're a bad person for the things they're doing or saying"

... You get the idea. You have an internal knee-jerk thought process that fires off .

Once those thoughts start firing off, you have emotions that are generated from those thoughts, and those emotions create energy in your body (remember this, because it's key in our plan that we'll get to later). You experience that energy as sensation in your body. Each different emotion creates different sensations. Think about it, the sensations of anxiety are vastly different than the sensations of joy, which are different than the way anger feels in our bodies. All of our emotions are different energies that create different vibrations and therefore different bodily sensations in us.

Here, if you know my work, you know that I divide emotions and emotional experiences into two categories, true tender feeling that's asking to be cleared (the most productive place we can focus), and resistance to our tender feelings (not the most productive way to spend our time). Most of us, when met with upsetting things, dive straight into resistance to our tender feelings instead of competently feeling our actual tender feelings. What does that look like here? The tender feelings that come up when we see something that's "not okay" are usually some flavor of grief. Our hearts break seeing people in suffering or fear, in knowing that someone else's baby, mother, best friend, spouse, pet, home is in harm's way.

We want other humans, animals, and the planet to be safe, cared for, and free, and the truth is our hearts hurt when that's not happening.

But instead of being aware of or willing to feel that hurt, most of us are in the habit of going straight to the anger, the overwhelm, the blame, the solutions (a.k.a the resistance) that keep us separate from having to endure our broken hearts, AND separate from one another.

One of the unfortunate things about staying in those resistant states is that the energy of that grief, those tender feelings, stays active deep underneath the surface. Your body doesn't want that dissonant energy in it, it wants to feel loved, safe, and connected... luckily this is where your brain is a beautifully willing partner. In an effort to help your body get back into energetic balance, your brain is going to keep circling back to thoughts around that upsetting thing you experienced so you can have infinite chances to finally stop resisting the tender feeling, feel it through, and release it from your system.

That's why we get stuck in thought loops, because there's energy there that needs to be liberated underneath the thought, in the feeling that it's generating. Our minds use our focus to connect us to the energy that's asking to be cleared, which is why we get so sucked into those mental loops. The more focused you are on the thoughts generating the emotion to be cleared, the more likely you are to feel pushed to your edges so you'll finally feel the thing you need to feel.

What a loving mechanism, right? Your brain just wants you to be free of the energy that's causing you to feel so upset.

The Plan: Arriving at REAL Solutions

So from this lens, when we feel deeply triggered (upset) about something, the invitation, in simple terms, is not to do anything yet, but instead to take a deep breath, remind yourself your heart is broken somewhere, and begin to look for it.

You're probably thinking, "Yeah, but I get angry/ worried/ solution focused because I don't know what to do with the hurt I feel. Feeling hurt doesn't help me."

I get this one. I used to feel this way until I realized that when I couldn't arrive to my own tender feelings, I was making people feel demonized, ignored, "othered", not valid, or less than as I judged them, blamed them, refused to listen to them, or otherwise aimed my upset at them. I was causing more hurt with my inability to feel my own pain. The process that helped me to finally feel my feelings through competently without feeding them or drowning in them is the same Intuitive Emotional Healing process I now offer all of you. There IS a roadmap, and if I could do it, you can do it.

When I finally learned how to give expression to my tender emotions without drowning in them, what I found was the resistance I had cleared totally, I no longer felt the anger, the blame, the worry, etc. Instead, I felt lighter, relief, AND I had more clarity about what would actually affect change on the thing that upset me in the first place.

When we actually learn to feel our tender emotions instead of resisting them, we begin to clear our bodies and biofields of all the dissonant junk that keeps us stuck in dysfunctional patterns (like not being willing to own our stuff, not listening, blaming others, aiming our anger, shutting down, etc). And what happens over time is that we have more patience (both with ourselves and others), we carry less anger and resentment, we get overwhelmed less often, we find greater compassion for ourselves and others, and we have greater access to the infinite creativity of our human minds which means we have more actual solutions to offer instead of feeding back into the human cycles of pointing fingers, aggression, and divide.

The more we stuff or distract ourselves from feeling our tender emotions, the more resentful, negative, exhausted, fearful, and limited we feel. The more willing we are to learn to hold our tender human hearts, care for them and help them release whatever it is they're holding,

the more truly compassionate, grounded, resilient

and wise we become.

In a moment in the human story where we need more than anything to come together and finally bridge the gaping expanses between different people and camps, the most impactful way we can invest our focus and energy is on what we are feeling in our hearts that we're living through this moment in the first place. Until we learn to truly release the grief we feel that we're in this mess to begin with, we will never be able to actually hold hands as a human family, with all people included, honored, and celebrated for who they are.

While we are still aiming fingers, demonizing boogie men, and focusing on what we don't like, we are creating more conflict, separation, and helplessness out in the human family. It's time for us to learn to feel competently again so we no longer aim our stuff at others and stop perpetuating these senselessness cycles of separation. And we we do, we will leave every single human (not just the ones we like and agree with) better, more loved, more included, and more seen than they felt before. When we all start walking around with this awareness and intention, we will watch the tragic harm that breaks our hearts in the first place begin to finally dissolve. Our presence, kindness, and greater perspective will ripple out into the human family in beautiful ways we can't even imagine.

I want to be clear, I am not telling you NOT to help, or make your voices heard or affect 3D change where you can. I am simply inviting you to look for what you're feeling underneath there first so that as you arrive to your close people, important causes, and wider communities, you do so with energy the heals and hearts that receive people when they're willing to lean in. This is about being aware of our energy so we ensure we're truly bringing healing balm and lasting change, not more charge, conflict, and division.

In summary, the energy you carry in your body and in your heart everyday, matters. You affect every human you come in contact with (including yourself). So the more that you care for your own energy and actually release the dissonant energy you experience day to day by learning to feel your feelings well once again, the more you'll have in your cup, the more actual solutions you'll have to offer your human brothers and sisters, and the more your energy will be a healing force in the world. The world changes one thought at a time, one person at a time, one interaction at a time, one community at a time. But it all begins with you, your thoughts, and your willingness to truly feel once again.

So, do you want to keep resisting? Or are you ready for real solutions?

If you found this post to be helpful and are ready to feel better by building your emotional competence and shifting the patterns that are causing you pain, schedule a one on one session with Claire or join her online classroom and community The Conscious Heart Academy. Because there IS a way to feel better, and you don't have to do it alone.